WTF Wednesday: Part 5

Sooooo... About a week ago, I was asked by Mr. Skyler Right Now, "So what's your 'type' anyway?" ((We've discussed this here previously, 'member?))  Before I can answer he says, "I guess I must be somewhat your type." I reply with, "Oh you mean confusing, needlessly conflicted, and kind of emotionally retarded?"  GET THIS... Are you ready?  He says, "Yeah, that basically sums me up.  It's destiny, my dear."  

I repeat and all together now: WHAT THE FUCK?!     

WTF Wednesday: Part 4

The Scene:  A downtown Irish Pub that a group of us used to frequent. When I say "frequent," I mean "FREQUENT." We were there at least twice a week, often more. I hadn't been there in at least a couple of years when I agree to meet a former co-worker there. He and I are sitting at the bar. I am turned facing him, my back to the door.

Man walking quickly past on his way to the back of the bar:  Hey Sky, haven't seen you in a while...

S:  Oh hey, Matty.

(He is a bartender at the pub and was just coming in to work... A few minutes later, he stops to chat.)

Matt:  You haven't been here in forever.

S: I know, I'm surprised you knew it was me, especially since I didn't see you come in.

Matt:  I was just getting here, but I'd know you from behind anywhere.

....And that's where what might have been a date ended abruptly.  

WTF Wednesday: Part 3

Dude (totally out of the blue):  You're the oldest woman I've ever slept with.

S: Really? I'm like three or four years younger than you are.

Dude: Yeah, I know. Weird, huh?

S: It's only weird in that you felt you just had to mention that to me.

Dude: Oh. You're right. That was pretty stupid. (Pause.) Um, are you still going to stay over?

S: Only because I'm not allowed to drive after dark at my advanced age, asshole. 

WTF Wednesday: Part 2

It's time for another What The Fuck? Wednesday installment.  Those moments that leave you asking, "What the hell just happened?!"  

So a couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out with a good friend of mine at his house.  We have been at least Friends with Benefits and sometimes a little more for several years.  His almost six-year-old son absolutely adores me and has known me since he was a baby, but I hadn't been around him in a few months.  I'm sitting on a barstool in the kitchen, Dude in Question is standing on the other side of the counter, and Jr is at the end of the bar telling me story after story like six-year-old's are prone to do.  After a few minutes, Jr. says, "Is that Tiffany?"  (I'm so freaking shallow, I honestly for a second thought the kid was talking about jewelry.)  Dad says, "No, that's Skyler... Uh, Tiffany is someone else."

Luckily the situation and the understanding is such that I thought it was funny, but it was definitely a what the fuck type of moment.  Nothing like getting called out by a Kindergartener.   

XO, Not Tiffany

WTF Wednesday: Part 1

It is time for a new feature here at FU... WTF Wednesday. A weekly opportunity to recount those situations that left you saying WHAT THE FUCK? Your WTF's can be rhetorical, factual, hypothetical, new, or old. So let's start.

Over the weekend, I met up with a few friends at a neighborhood bar to do some scheming, plotting, and planning. There were two women sitting at the end of the bar and they were quite inebriated. (Mind you, this is at about 5 in the afternoon.) I would say the one was probably in her early 20's and the other was in her early 40's. Both were relatively good looking and dressed pretty typically for this bar district which is to say, pretty skimpy, but not totally over the top. At one point, the younger one spins around on her bar stool, nearly toppling over, and says to one of the men that was with us in a heavy, heavy slur: Caaan I aasssskkk ya sumthin? We didn't realize she was talking to any of us at first.  She then gives him a tap on the shoulder (his back had been to her) and says again more loudly, Sssssorrreeeee sssorreeee, but can I asssssk ya sumthin? He awkwardly laughs and says sure.  She then bellows ARE YOU SATISSSSSIFED SESHUALLY? We all lost it at that point. He managed to deflect and distract her by pointing out her drink was dripping all over the floor.

Come to find out from the bartender after they not-so-gracefully exit stage right, that the pair are a MOTHER-DAUGHTER ESCORT TEAM. No. Wait. Read it again. Mother and daughter working as escorts TOGETHER. How does THAT work? Whose idea was it? What the hell is wrong with people? If you want to play in the escort biz, whatever, fine, but with your own mother? Um, no. Just no.

What. The. Fuck.

What has you puzzling this week? 

XO, Skyler