Several years ago, a friend told me that within a 30-second survey of a crowded room, she could pick out exactly who I would be interested in. And she was right. If there was a six foot tall, blonde with blue eyes, All-American, football-loving, domestic-beer-drinking guy, with any kind of education stumbling around, I would be all over him. That was my type. Over the years, my type has changed. I would like to think I am a little less superficial and a lot more intellectual in what I am drawn to currently, but I'll be honest, I'm not so sure that is true. I can fully and with good conscience admit that I am a total chemistry junkie and I can usually detect it within a few seconds.
It seems that most people have a "thing" that they find attractive, and sometimes that "thing" can trump a whole lot of other attributes. The girl I mentioned above has a thing for a strong jaw. Another friend has a definite Latin bent, whether he is in fact Latin or not is irrelevant, if he has the look. Another girlfriend has a swimmers' body addiction. His face (and his personality for that matter) can seriously be a train wreck and she doesn't care if he has that v-taper with built out shoulders and a narrow waist. At least for a while.
So what motivates this? Is it a matter of personal preference? What about societal expectations? Does it have something to do with past relationships? Is it some kind of biological/chemical/hormonal drive? Is it motivated by the little man who makes toast in the toaster? Is it all just a random clusterfuck?
Certainly personal preference is a huge component. If as a woman, you are 6 feet tall, it is unlikely you will be drawn to the guy who is 5'6 initially. I know a LOT of women who do not want to date someone who weighs the same or less than they do. There are clearly societal expectation issues involved in this as well that are a little deep for this early in the day... There are various studies out (like with real science, statistical analysis, and math-type stuff) about differences in whom women find attractive based on the stage in their cycle and whether or not they are on oral contraceptives. My guess is that it is an interplay between all these factors and probably a few more we don't quite understand.
It seems like it might be important to at least give some consideration to what your type is and WHY you are drawn to that type. Maybe it is because it is reminiscent of a past relationship that isn't quite resolved. Maybe it has something to do with your daddy issues. Maybe it is just a societal thing that is making you believe tall, dark, and handsome should be your type. By thinking it through, you can at least attempt to understand what motivates you. You then can consciously take the option to either pursue that type or to open up your mind a little.
So... What's your type? Has it changed over the years? Is your boyfriend/partner/fuckbuddy/husband your type? Has your type changed? Do you think there is a little man in the toaster who makes toast?
Talk to me, Skyler