What's Your Type?

Several years ago, a friend told me that within a 30-second survey of a crowded room, she could pick out exactly who I would be interested in. And she was right. If there was a six foot tall, blonde with blue eyes, All-American, football-loving, domestic-beer-drinking guy, with any kind of education stumbling around, I would be all over him. That was my type. Over the years, my type has changed. I would like to think I am a little less superficial and a lot more intellectual in what I am drawn to currently, but I'll be honest, I'm not so sure that is true. I can fully and with good conscience admit that I am a total chemistry junkie and I can usually detect it within a few seconds.

It seems that most people have a "thing" that they find attractive, and sometimes that "thing" can trump a whole lot of other attributes. The girl I mentioned above has a thing for a strong jaw. Another friend has a definite Latin bent, whether he is in fact Latin or not is irrelevant, if he has the look. Another girlfriend has a swimmers' body addiction. His face (and his personality for that matter) can seriously be a train wreck and she doesn't care if he has that v-taper with built out shoulders and a narrow waist. At least for a while.  

So what motivates this? Is it a matter of personal preference? What about societal expectations? Does it have something to do with past relationships? Is it some kind of biological/chemical/hormonal drive? Is it motivated by the little man who makes toast in the toaster? Is it all just a random clusterfuck?

Certainly personal preference is a huge component. If as a woman, you are 6 feet tall, it is unlikely you will be drawn to the guy who is 5'6 initially. I know a LOT of women who do not want to date someone who weighs the same or less than they do. There are clearly societal expectation issues involved in this as well that are a little deep for this early in the day... There are various studies out (like with real science, statistical analysis, and math-type stuff) about differences in whom women find attractive based on the stage in their cycle and whether or not they are on oral contraceptives. My guess is that it is an interplay between all these factors and probably a few more we don't quite understand.

It seems like it might be important to at least give some consideration to what your type is and WHY you are drawn to that type. Maybe it is because it is reminiscent of a past relationship that isn't quite resolved. Maybe it has something to do with your daddy issues. Maybe it is just a societal thing that is making you believe tall, dark, and handsome should be your type. By thinking it through, you can at least attempt to understand what motivates you. You then can consciously take the option to either pursue that type or to open up your mind a little. 

So... What's your type? Has it changed over the years? Is your boyfriend/partner/fuckbuddy/husband your type? Has your type changed? Do you think there is a little man in the toaster who makes toast? 

Talk to me, Skyler

What's Your Number?

You know, as in how many people have you slept with?  

Tricky. This topic usually comes up at some point in a longer-term relationship and tends to come up among friends as some kind of a drunken bonding moment. My standard response (which I totally stole from Friends along with Rachel's hair) is, "Like, ballpark? Definitely less than a ballpark." (Example #37 of "How to Use Humor as a Deflector.") But what do you say when pressed and that answer isn't good enough?

I recall reading in Cosmo (the source of all great advice, ahem) that the "correct" or perhaps they meant, "socially acceptable" answer was four. Sidenote: This was many, many years ago. My response to that is "LIKE, WHAT, THIS YEAR?" I'm sorry but unless you're my Great-Aunt Ethel who has been married for 61 years, I am not buying that shit. So, now what?

A.  Tell the truth, whatever that truth is. Own it. Enough with the slut-shaming. 

B.  Blatantly lie and divide your number by 4. Or more.  

C.  None of your fucking business.  

Let's face it.  The best answer probably is C, but put it a bit more politely. It really is no one's business, including and perhaps especially your partner's, so long as you are being regularly tested and have your STD-Free certification t-shirt on. However, it is an attractive conversation. I would kind of die to know what my friends' numbers are. Not because I'm judgy ('scuz I got no room to judge on this topic), but because it is just interesting. It gives you an opportunity to see how you measure up in something that isn't publically compared all that often. I really don't want to know what my partner's number is though. It might sound intriguing for a second, but I don't want to know. Swear.

If you are looking for a way to minimize your number without completely, blatantly lying, I have some tips: 

-Only domestic dick counts. Domestic can mean the U.S., the 48 contiguous states, time zones, states, and I have one friend who was lobbying for residence in the same area code which might be a touch extreme.

-Vegas and vacations don't count at all.

-One night stands, or one-offs, only count as a half.

-There's no "repeat" function. So for example, you sleep with Pete in 2008 and then again in 2012? You just count Pete, not the rePete. (A good way to minimize-->recirculate the stable.)

-Statute of limitations are in play. Last year, since last long-term relationship, 7 years, 10 years...

AND OF COURSE---

-"I don't remember it, it didn't happen."  

So spill it. What's your number? Did I miss any minimization opportunities? Comment anonymously if you must, but whatcha got?  

Update on Wednesday, May 30, 2012 at 7:47PM by Female Underground

Woo-Hoo!  I love your math! 

Normally I have to answer this question with a number "around" 50 (or 60)... which actually isn't bad when you consider my age and the fact that I've never been married (ie- off the market).   It works out to a bit more than one per year.  OK... more like two per year if you start when I actually lost my virginity.  UG.  I hate details.   BUT... the way you're calculating... I'm like Snow freakin' White.   

I think I'm going to run with this.  New Girl Handbook Rules in play.  Thanks.

~ Austin.

Update on Wednesday, May 30, 2012 at 9:39PM by Female Underground

Oh shit.  THIS is not a good sign. This is why you shouldn't have this conversation!  NEW RULE:  Years where you go on a "tear" don't count either.  Fffffffffuck.     --Skyler