Keeping a Low Profile

I've been asked recently (I believe as a part of a fishing expedition) why it is that I don't discuss who I am dating/seeing/screwing around with... Actually, I have been asked this directly twice in the last month now that I think of it. After some careful, Chardonnay-fueled, contemplation, I've constructed a list. In no apparent order, here's why I am a fan of keeping my mouth shut and perhaps you should be too:

1. Despite the fact that I live in a city with a population in the millions, this is a small fucking world. If you live in a less-populated area, God have mercy on your soul and your vag. Even when you aren't dating within the "circle" (whether that be friends, friends-of-friends, work, or larger-professional-community) everybody knows everybody to a startling degree. In my (not at all) humble opinion, unless something is really carved in stone, TOO SOON TOO SOON. You're inviting gossip, someone interceding on your behalf, and potentially fucking up your own deal by talking about it. Let it be what it is without outside influences, whether they are well-intentioned or not. Especially if they are not. (We all have that one friend who thinks he/she is "helping," right? Ugh. So not helping.)

2. I like the intrigue. I blame the fact that I was allowed to watch Days of Our Lives as a child.

3. I'm not a big over-sharer generally and you have to really be pretty close to get that kind of personal information. While I will talk about most anything, it is going to be quite difficult to get personal-level details from me. Despite my "public persona" that is quite out about who I am and what I believe in, I am actually quite private. Some of my closest friends would be shocked to learn of certain MAJOR life events that I do not discuss with almost anyone. Like, they don't even know that those things exist. If you are one of the five people who know about those things, consider yourself really fricking special.  

4. "So how is it going with The Boy?" <--Most annoying question ever. Maybe it fizzled. Maybe I got bored. Maybe he pulled a disappearing act. Maybe he is obsessed with World of Warcraft or whatever the video game addiction of the moment is. I don't like having to give updates and details, particularly if something has gone South. It annoys me. If things are going well, that just leads to more stupid questions about taking "next steps." Those questions annoy me too. (Am I super crabby? This list is not turning out the way I thought it would. Interesting...)   

5. Once you have had a really effed up, disastrous relationship, people don't trust your judgment. Hell, you don't really trust your own judgment (and sometimes with good cause.) If you have publicly had to deal with the fall-out of some relationship with an asshole from hell, people (mostly who are completely well-intentioned) will be hypercritical of your new choices. Along those same lines, you need some time to form your own assessment of this person without outside influences. You need to get your "gut" back. You need to re-learn how to discern someone's character. You might screw this up. If you do so publicly, you will reinforce this cycle of people being "concerned" about your choices. Keep it to yourself. And figure it out for yourself.

6. Why not keep it quiet? I gather enjoy having something that is kept just for me. Maybe I have Only Child Syndrome.

I certainly have friends who are 100% the opposite of my view. You will hear every little detail from how they met this guy to what he wore on the first date to when he called last to how his parents are soooo amazing to his weird tic where he blah blah blah, etc etc etc. You may have the impression I would find that exhausting. Complete opposite: I LOVE IT. I will be the one asking the most questions and debating his pros and cons. I am completely obsessed with the minutae of other people's love lives. However, I have seen how this plays out badly for them. When/if things don't work out, because they have given every detail, it is my opinion that they are more hurt by it because now their private hurt is a more public one.

Maybe that's what this is all about... Private hurts versus public ones?

Which camp are you in? Are you a details, details, details person? Do you keep it on the down low? Are you somewhere in between? Tell me why. 

XO, Skyler