Masque Fellatio Strip Review by June Sometimes

http://yourmasque.com/

One of the early tag lines for the advertisement for the Masque flavor strip that caught my eye was: “so even a good girl could be bad.”  So I reached out to the company and asked for a review kit.

For a fair review, I must disclose they sent a lovely kit with plenty of samples and some cool swag.  After taking pictures of the awesome packaging, I began my pestering of Mr. Sometimes to be my guinea pig.

 “Please,” I said, “can a good girl be bad tonight?”

“I’d rather, you know,” he said.  “Be with you. I want the full package.”

“All right,” I’d said, never one to deny Mr. Sometimes.

But finally the next week he said, “don’t you have something to test out?”

 I leapt from the bed and tore into the mango flavor strip.

 My first thought was, this isn’t quite mango, but it isn’t bad either.  It is candy after all.  Candy meant for blow jobs.

As the strip melted, and Mr. Sometimes succumbed to my oral action, his penis took on a sort of stickiness.  The flavor lasted and did as it promised, masking the taste of semen.  

But frankly, I don’t mind the taste of semen; that’s part of it.  I like Mr. Sometimes—all of him.

“So,” I said to him, “what do you think?”

“It’s not a favorite,” he said.  “I like when we have sex better.  Not just you servicing me.”

“Really?” I asked.  “Every man loves a blow job.  It’s like the all-American birthday present for a male over the age of twenty-one.”

“Not every man,” he said.  “Stereotype.”

Hmmm, I thought, stereotype.  Just like the idea that only bad girls give head.

So all in all, the Masque strip did as it promised, but it turns out in the Sometimes house, we didn’t need to add some flavor to have our kind of spice.

Why are men sooooo obsessed with: BIG (fake) BOOBS?

Skyler has her WTF Wednesday? thing.  I've decided I am going to start my own little series sets.  I have a few ideas: SEX 101 ("how to" discussions on things like anal, blow jobs, etc)... Fantasies (what are they, and should they remain fantasies or are they things we actually want to and should act on) ... Chick Porn (the good, the bad, and the ugly)... Why are women soooo obsessed with: ... and this one, Why are men sooooo obsessed with:...

TOM (The Old Man, or the Talented Old Man) and I were in a frozen yogurt place last week and this girl walked in with a 24 inch waste and HUGE boobies.  CLEARLY an aftermarket upgrade.  Tom couldn't take his eyes off her.  I think I was worse.  I couldn't stop watching her.  I was totally intrigued.  She was stunning...  Great body...  Gorgeous hair...  Well dressed in casual summer wear...  But you could NOT miss the big fake boobies.  NOBODY could miss the big fake boobies.

Now don't misunderstand, I'm not a "keep it natural" kind of girl.  Hell, my hair has been every color in the book at various points in life, and if I had the money I would totally partake in some medical upkeep and maintenance.  I mean, if the technology is there, why not take advantage of it to make yourself look and feel better?  (For the record, Joan Rivers does NOT look better.  Someone needed to cut her off YEARS ago.)  What is chiropractic care or a massage or a facial but better living through "medical" care?  Plastic surgery is just a very expensive step in that direction.   

My thought has always been that the idea of plastic surgery was to enhance what nature gave you and/or to give you a little self-image boost.  Boob job?  Ya, why not?  I have a friend who was a A-cup who boosted things to a C-cup.  It totally improved her figure and she will never fail the "pencil test" (which, I confess, makes me a little jealous).  Anyway, totally for it, but I have never understood the "I'm a stripper/penthouse model wanna-be/ hoochie mamma" look.  I mean, why would this naturally beautiful women do this to herself?

So I asked him.  Why are men sooooo obsessed with big (fake) boobs?  

He asked me if he really had to answer. 

"Yes Dear."  

To start, he wanted to clarify that pretty much ALL boobs turned him on, regardless of size.

"Yes dear.  Your ass is covered.  Now please move on to the question at hand."

Quick summary:  Women with big boobs know they get looked at... a lot.  It started as kids when the girl with boobs was just an anomaly and boys were curious and anything got them hard... and then she probably realized the damn things and the staring gave her power... which led to self-confidence.  Bottom line: Better self-confidence =  a better lay... and guys are always looking for a good lay. 

Damn, this makes sense. 

So I asked, "But why Super-Size them... isn't that just over-kill?"

He pointed out that if you want that power, and you want to get stared at, why not really make it obvious?  That's the point right?  Draw attention?  And... you don't really pay more, so no harm-no foul on the checkbook, you might as well get your money's worth.

"Now I don't think ALL women have augmentation because of some secret 'look at me'  narcissistic need, but , at least for the women I know who have had it done, they don't NOT want to be looked at.  The women I know who have had it done are usually pretty proud to show off 'the work.'"

Again, I could see his point.   

Borderline misogyny?  Damn, they are going to take my chick card away for buying in to this aren't they?  Well, maybe not away, but I'm definitely going to get dinged points.

~Austin.

HOLY COW... We're famous!   HUFFINGTON POST ARTICLE    I like this girl's style!

WTF Wednesday: Part 1

It is time for a new feature here at FU... WTF Wednesday. A weekly opportunity to recount those situations that left you saying WHAT THE FUCK? Your WTF's can be rhetorical, factual, hypothetical, new, or old. So let's start.

Over the weekend, I met up with a few friends at a neighborhood bar to do some scheming, plotting, and planning. There were two women sitting at the end of the bar and they were quite inebriated. (Mind you, this is at about 5 in the afternoon.) I would say the one was probably in her early 20's and the other was in her early 40's. Both were relatively good looking and dressed pretty typically for this bar district which is to say, pretty skimpy, but not totally over the top. At one point, the younger one spins around on her bar stool, nearly toppling over, and says to one of the men that was with us in a heavy, heavy slur: Caaan I aasssskkk ya sumthin? We didn't realize she was talking to any of us at first.  She then gives him a tap on the shoulder (his back had been to her) and says again more loudly, Sssssorrreeeee sssorreeee, but can I asssssk ya sumthin? He awkwardly laughs and says sure.  She then bellows ARE YOU SATISSSSSIFED SESHUALLY? We all lost it at that point. He managed to deflect and distract her by pointing out her drink was dripping all over the floor.

Come to find out from the bartender after they not-so-gracefully exit stage right, that the pair are a MOTHER-DAUGHTER ESCORT TEAM. No. Wait. Read it again. Mother and daughter working as escorts TOGETHER. How does THAT work? Whose idea was it? What the hell is wrong with people? If you want to play in the escort biz, whatever, fine, but with your own mother? Um, no. Just no.

What. The. Fuck.

What has you puzzling this week? 

XO, Skyler

What's Your Type?

Several years ago, a friend told me that within a 30-second survey of a crowded room, she could pick out exactly who I would be interested in. And she was right. If there was a six foot tall, blonde with blue eyes, All-American, football-loving, domestic-beer-drinking guy, with any kind of education stumbling around, I would be all over him. That was my type. Over the years, my type has changed. I would like to think I am a little less superficial and a lot more intellectual in what I am drawn to currently, but I'll be honest, I'm not so sure that is true. I can fully and with good conscience admit that I am a total chemistry junkie and I can usually detect it within a few seconds.

It seems that most people have a "thing" that they find attractive, and sometimes that "thing" can trump a whole lot of other attributes. The girl I mentioned above has a thing for a strong jaw. Another friend has a definite Latin bent, whether he is in fact Latin or not is irrelevant, if he has the look. Another girlfriend has a swimmers' body addiction. His face (and his personality for that matter) can seriously be a train wreck and she doesn't care if he has that v-taper with built out shoulders and a narrow waist. At least for a while.  

So what motivates this? Is it a matter of personal preference? What about societal expectations? Does it have something to do with past relationships? Is it some kind of biological/chemical/hormonal drive? Is it motivated by the little man who makes toast in the toaster? Is it all just a random clusterfuck?

Certainly personal preference is a huge component. If as a woman, you are 6 feet tall, it is unlikely you will be drawn to the guy who is 5'6 initially. I know a LOT of women who do not want to date someone who weighs the same or less than they do. There are clearly societal expectation issues involved in this as well that are a little deep for this early in the day... There are various studies out (like with real science, statistical analysis, and math-type stuff) about differences in whom women find attractive based on the stage in their cycle and whether or not they are on oral contraceptives. My guess is that it is an interplay between all these factors and probably a few more we don't quite understand.

It seems like it might be important to at least give some consideration to what your type is and WHY you are drawn to that type. Maybe it is because it is reminiscent of a past relationship that isn't quite resolved. Maybe it has something to do with your daddy issues. Maybe it is just a societal thing that is making you believe tall, dark, and handsome should be your type. By thinking it through, you can at least attempt to understand what motivates you. You then can consciously take the option to either pursue that type or to open up your mind a little. 

So... What's your type? Has it changed over the years? Is your boyfriend/partner/fuckbuddy/husband your type? Has your type changed? Do you think there is a little man in the toaster who makes toast? 

Talk to me, Skyler

Sexting

Oh, sexting. Y'all know what sexting is, right? Sending provocative, suggestive, or sometimes down right dirty text messages, either in word or photo.  Texting + Sex = Sexting. What seems like such a good idea at the time, can go so, so wrong. Are we going to stop? Hell no. But let's be smart about it, how about? Chime in with your horror stories or suggestions in the comments.

1. Pictures are generally a no. N. O. NO. Here's my thought on that: There is no time machine feature that allows you to know what is going to happen in the future. What if the recipient of your photo turns out to be a total asshole and puts it and your name all over the internet a few weeks/months/years down the line? That might be kind of a worst case scenario, but just imagine it for a minute.  Hum-il-i-at-ing. More likely, what if he gets drunk on one too many Miller Lites and shows his buddies? OR what if he has one too many Miller Lites and his friends start fucking with his phone and going through the messages and photos? Congratulations. Boys Night has just become about your tits. If you decide you are going to send a picture, make damn sure that the person receiving it is someone that you trust. It would really be preferable if he had a lock on his phone as well, so that you don't end up with the scenario described above. Also, keep your face out of it. That helps protect your anonymity in the event it goes public. (I'll never forget the day I saw my very distinct tattoo on a website. The picture itself was pretty clean, just a profile, and you couldn't see my face, but the tattoo is/was unmistakable. It was a total pain in the ass to get it taken down.) Be cautious and consider yourself warned.

2. Drunk sexting can definitely be amusing. Or really embarrassing. There are phone apps that require you to do some fairly simple math prior to sending. If you are one of these people that do this, especially to unwitting victims, install the app. If you can't do 7-3+4, you shouldn't be describing your oral preferences to anyone. Take some Excedrin and go to bed. 

3. BE GODDAMN SURE YOU ARE SENDING IT TO THE RIGHT PERSON!! Confirm that you actually hit the right name or thread prior to sending. Yes, this has happened to me. Luckily, what was said wasn't too bad, but it created some definite confusion and there was a lot of explaining to do.

4. Install a lock on your phone, meaning password protection. People will look through each other's phones. I don't know why, but it happens. People also tend to have the same style of phones... you wouldn't want to grab the wrong iPhone and accidentially end up with your friend having your phone in her bag. Awkward. 

5. Consider deleting the evidence. No, this doesn't erase it from the other person's phone, but at least it gets it off of yours, so that no one sees it accidentially.

6. Be smart, don't be stupid. Sexting to married men? Bad idea. (You are asking to get your tires slashed if the wife finds out.) Sexting to people in serious relationships? See tire slashing comment. Sexting to someone you work with? Proceed very carefully. Your boss? Oh HELL NO. Just don't.

So what about you? Are you a sexter? The recipient of a sexter? Tell us. 

XO, Skyler

Update on Monday, June 18, 2012 at 6:54AM by Female Underground

You know what we need?  That option like in old tv spy shows... "This message will self-destruct in 3 2 ..." WHY DON'T WE HAVE THIS?!  We have the technology, right?